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When you're considering the type of partner you want in your life, there are plenty of things that may make your list. From their sense of humor to their looks to the way that they treat you, everyone has some sort of picture of who they classify as the ideal mate.
But just as there are specific things that we look for the person that we're dating to have, there are things that we hope to never encounter, too. Although everyone's list of deal-breakers may not be exactly the same, there are a few things that many of us can probably agree on. Here are 12 of the biggest deal-breakers — according to experts — to compare your list to. Regardless of how long you've been with a person, one of the most important things in a relationship is ensuring that both you and your partner are happy.
So, if you've found yourself in a predicament where your comfort is put in jeopardy and your partner is doing nothing to rectify the issue, psychologist Dara Bushman told Insider that this could definitely be something to drive your relationship to its end.
The disconnect may not be the concern — it's the partner's aloofness, inability, or unwillingness to discuss what the disconnect is. Communication is foundational. Another important topic that should be discussed before deciding to go the long haul with a potential mate, is whether or not you see kids in your future together.
But if one of you has second thoughts or is on the totally different side than you are, according to Bushman, that should totally be a deal-breaker. They may seem great on paper and you even convince yourself you can make do without your own children for a bit. After a while, however, you may realize that the lack of flexibility from your partner is more than just about not wanting more children.
A real and lasting relationship would find compromise.
Few things are worse than making plans with someone and then having them cancel at the last minute. And, if that repeat offender just happens to be the person that you're in a relationship with, it could very well be the reason why you're considering ending things with them. For example, if the person blows you off without much notice for something like a sports thing with their friends, that's a deal-breaker. During the initial dating phase, how your partner chooses to spend their money may not be that big of a deal.
As you start to grow in your relationship, however, it could become more of a focal point and if you're not on the sameit could cause a lot of friction. Although it seems like a simple thing to note as a deal-breaker, many people ignore the s when there's a lack of interest from their partner, and according to Winston, it may not always be as simple to spot as you think.
When you choose your partner, you should consider all aspects of the person, and that includes comparing their values to yours. Do they see eye to eye on values like integrity, ambition, love of family, and other things important to you? DeAlto also said that if you're with someone that talks down to you or treats you poorly when you are having a disagreement, you may want to reconsider the reason behind continuing the relationship.
It's important to note that these can also be the s of a potentially abusive relationship too.
Your partner should never make you feel unsafe and if they do, exiting the relationship should be done with care and potentially with help from a professional and your loved ones. Although you may be super into someone, if they're still hung up on someone else, you shouldn't let that slide. Often they even admit they aren't ready, but it's rationalized away. For many people, lack of ambition or drive in a partner can be a huge turn-off.
That doesn't mean that it's a deal-breaker for everyone. But according to relationship expert and dating adviser Jeffery L. Millerit should be. Whether physical, mental, emotional, or sexual, if you hear of someone being abused, it may seem like an easy fix to "just leave. Unfortunately though, Judy Ho, a psychologist and author of " Stop Self Sabotage ," told Insider that it's not as easy as it seems, nor is it that simple to notice that it's happening. She continued: "Emotional abuse can be extremely damaging. Some examples include extreme control, like tracking your whereabouts, demanding that you don't spend time without them, and telling you that you are no good, worthless, and nothing without them.
It can break someone down to the point that they don't believe they deserve any better and therefore continue to stay in an abusive relationship.
If this is happening in your relationship, it should be a deal-breaker. If you are with someone who is dealing with addiction, it can be tempting to stay with them.
And while support from a partner can help people overcome addiction, if it's taking a toll on you and they aren't seeking help, it could be time to leave, Ho told Insider. If someone refuses to seek help for their substance abuse, lies about their use, or you notice that the problem is getting worse over time, it's a deal-breaker. World globe An icon of the world globe, indicating different international options. Get the Insider App. A leading-edge research firm focused on digital transformation.
Ni'Kesia Pannell. Deal-breakers in relationships are the things that will cause you to call it quits — no matter how long you've been together. Some common deal-breakers include a partner's stance on having children, a lack of responsibility with money, or a lack of ambition.
We asked dating and relationship exerts to name some of the biggest deal-breakers people cite for breaking off a relationship. Visit Insider's home for more stories. They won't address the issues that you present. They've changed their mind about having kids with you. They have a tendency to cancel plans at the last minute. You are not on the same when it comes to finances. They're showing a lack of interest. You don't have the same values. When they get upset, they fight dirty. They aren't over their ex. There's no sense of vision.
There's a history of abuse with you or someone else. There's a constant denial of a substance abuse problem or refusal to get help. Loading Something is loading. address.Whats the deal love
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11 of the biggest deal-breakers in a relationship, according to dating experts