Added: Deshawn Brock - Date: 12.09.2021 01:36 - Views: 21116 - Clicks: 1508
A few years ago I had a long term friendship come to an end. Four decades of love, laughter and jokes, gone. I felt as though someone had removed a part of my heart. However, that experience both taught me important life lessons as well as opened many new doors. If it persists, it might be time to ask:. Can we still relate? Are we still on the same wavelength? And, perhaps even more challenging, can I honor the changes in my friend and still be friends? Sometimes, yes, sometimes — no.
That is uniquely up to us. Friends can disagree on many things and still bear great love for one another. I have a close friend whose family differs completely from mine; however, I learn from them, and from her, every time I visit. This brings value and perspective into my life, and I can appreciate alternative viewpoints. If you no longer feel as though your thoughts, views, ideas and opinions are honored, even though you may not agree, this can cause heartache and arguments.
We evolve. Sometimes there is a fork up ahead. Your friend needs to climb the mountain. When a long-time friend needs to walk a different path, it can feel as powerful as losing a close family member. In fact, it is. Sometimes we see behaviors that telegraph an unspoken intention. For example, someone is perpetually unavailable. Then it feels like rejection. A conversation that ends a friendship is very hard, and many of us avoid that kind of confrontation. Long friendships involve years of investment. When we see that slipping away, it can be terrifying. Of course, we want to hold on, and rejection feels like abandonment.
It brings up strong emotions and people may simply not be up to that emotional discussion no matter how close you are, or were. If and when a friendship reaches a breaking point for any reason, sometimes all you can do is walk away.
As hard as this may sound, if the joy is gone, and aspects of your connection have become stressful or toxic, then the kindest thing you can both do is acknowledge that you need to move on. We may never find out what happened. There may not be answers. Part of maturity includes not only allowing others to make their own choices, but also to be able to live in the question.
They may not share our history, but the pleasure of new ideas and lively discussions far outweighs feeling lonely. Healing is ahead — for both of you — as long as you can honor what you had and wish your friend the best in all things.
In the best of scenarios, you can talk it out, express your love, and say good bye without recriminations. Or, have a loving conversation with this person with whom you have shared so much of you. Then visualize them with a halo of brilliant love around them. Above all, be grateful for what you had, for the memories and the gifts they brought into your life. After our friendship ended, I would find small tokens from Ellen around my house. Rather than make me sad, today they remind me of the treasure that her friendship brought to my life. She graced my life for most of my adulthood. And that is gift enough.
Have you recently ended a lengthy friendship? Are you currently hurting because an old friend seems to be turning on you or changing? What do you do to work through your feelings? How do you open your heart to new friends as you age? Please share your insights and tips below. Tags Friendships. Her work teaches people how to erase the impossible and redefine their boundaries.
As a sales and leadership trainer, her work focuses on success skills and finding the courage to be your best.
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